Get the first Ari Shaffir tour shirt in years! 100% cotton and shipped directly to your door. Be the first on your block to own one. Also, here’s a note from Ari:
Hi everybody! I’ve been thinking about this shirt design for literally 5 years. It’s the most important article of clothing in human history. That included the leaf Adam wore after that bitch tricked him. That includes the robe Jesus wore when the Jews took care of him.
I am not offering this in an 3XL because I don’t want any fat fucks wearing the greatest shirt ever made. Your obesity dishonors the design and in all likelihood dishonors art itself. It’s gross. Fuck you. And the 2XL is only for tall men, or women to wear to bed after they get fucked out by someone from a different race. Use your honor. There will also be women’s sizes but only to XL. No 3XL for you or 2XL. Why the lower sizes for you? It’s called a double standard, idiot. I didn’t make it up. But I abide by the rules of society. If it makes you mad that you’re too fat a man or woman to wear this amazing piece of clothing, calm down. You’re at a higher risk of stroke. Seriously, calm down to right now. Might I suggest skipping dessert once or twice a week? Drink water instead of Pepsi. I don’t know what to tell you. Increased profits are not worth enabling your unhealthy lifestyle.
For everyone else, this shirt is proudly presented to you. All proceeds will go towards me continuing to put out the content I want to put out, without ever compromising my sense of humor or artistic standards. And drugs. I will for sure also use a lot of the money for drugs. So thank you for the drugs. And thank you for the money to pay people to help me make fun videos, my podcast, ridiculous pranks, and great standup shows until they get stolen from me by Jews. In which case the money will get used for the type of drugs that will help me think up new shows.
Wear this shirt to my shows. Wear it to the shows of other comedians, especially if you know they hate me. Wear this shirt to the park. Wear it wherever you want. See how many people think the cat on your shirt is named Ari Shaffir.
Thank you for your purchase,
P.S. The cat on this shirt is most likely dead.